Just Rants and Rambles

This has been one freaking crazy week.  If I didn't have such good support, and such undying hope, I'd sit down and cry.  It's like I'm in topsy-turvy world.  Or a dream.  Am I going to go to parent teacher interviews tonight and hear that my boys are all horrible??  Because that would fit right in with everything else this week.

My Leading Star husband is getting punished and yelled at at his job but receiving no explanation as to why.  My family has been ill.  It started with boy #3 on Tuesday.  Normally we get our illnesses from church, and they always start on Tuesday.  This week we did not go to church because my sinuses were draining copious amounts of mucous.  But still, the Tuesday illness.  We didn't go anywhere on Sunday, and only to swimming  early Saturday morning.  We do, however, get sick EVERY time my hubby has to work in the office.  I used to joke that I made him strip his clothes off at the door after he worked at the office, and run straight up to the shower.  I didn't do this on Monday.  Perhaps I should have??

Also, I never get colds.  I seriously think I have had only one or two colds in my life.

So then, what I guess is the flu runs through our house and guess who gets everything at once??  Me.  On the week that my husband is not working from home, and is therefore gone for 12+ hours of the day at his two jobs.  So last night, I am sitting on the toilet and I have my period (TMI, sorry), sinus cold, diarrhea and am vomiting.  Nice right?  I puked up my anxiety med.  I cannot stomach my vitamins.  I can't drive to get my stress-relieving Froster that not only gives me a nice bit of caffeine, but also calories and yummy hydration (because 2L of water per day gets boring).  AND tap water makes me gag, which is not good this week, because it is not cold enough.  So normally we have a jug of water on our water cooler that I fill my water bottle from.  No water at the store when I got groceries last Thursday.  Blah.

Oh yes, AND I ran out of my probiotics two days ago and the store I normally get them from is out so my hubby ordered some from Shoppers for me, but since they don't stock it (I know this), it usually takes about 4 hours for them to get it in.  This week - one and a half DAYS.

My jaw is clenching almost constantly, my mouth STILL hurts from the root canal (probably also from the clenching).  I have a headache that I can't even guess what it is from and I am afraid that the next person to vomit (my daughter, likely) will do it a) on the couch, and b) when my hubby is not here to help me.  I'm sure my kids are so tired of me saying, "Does your tummy hurt?  Do you feel like you are going to throw up???"

A few things I forgot to mention in my last few posts:  A few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night because the doorbell rang (it often rings and there is noone there).  I held my breath and listened quietly in the night, but heard nothing, so tried to calm myself and go back to sleep.  I had the flashies behind my eyelids as my heart raced.  I eventually woke up my hubby and asked if he could go take a look around the house, which he so nicely did without grumbling even once.  I was able to go back to sleep pretty quick after he gave me the all-clear, which I normally can't do.

At my dr. appointment on Tuesday, my dr. asked how I was doing on the Cipralex.  I told her it was helping with anxiety, and she told me she would put me on the 10mg dose then.  I asked if I could just stay on the 5mg.  She seemed a little surprised and said yes, and gave me another prescription so I can continue on the med.  I know that 10-20 mg is the full therapeutic dose, but I'm confused about why she'd want to bump me up to 10mg when 5 was fine.  She gave me a prescription for 3 months after asking me if I thought that was a good amount of time.  This kind of gives me hope that maybe I won't need to stay on this long-term.  I thought that once I was on it, I would lose my ability to function without it and it would be a lifetime commitment.  All that said, I have to say that all of my emotions, IBS problems, anxiety, depression, everything has seemed to really level out since I started taking the Cipralex and right now I don't want to go off it, ever.  Well, as long as I can get rid of the jaw clenching thing.  On some levels, I seriously feel better than I have in my life, and there are many days (well, there were, before this week) that I feel so HEALTHY, and I just sit and revel in the feeling of not having a stomachache or headache or nervous feeling or fatigue.  I hope that this flu bug goes away quick so I can keep getting better.

And, speaking of getting better, I went out and got my hair cut on Monday, and I bought a haircolour from the drug store and put it on a couple days ago.  I wasn't as excited about it as I used to be, but it is a start.  Just a couple weeks ago, I felt like I would never be brave enough to step foot in a hair salon again, and "who cares what my hair looks like?"  Now I care a little.  :)

I hope to be able to eat again soon...I'm a little scared that I'll step on the scale on Sunday morning and see that all the weight I worked hard to gain is gone.  My hip bone is feeling a little sharp today, and I know that I've lost a bit what I've put on.  Frustrating.

I think that is all the rambling for now.  Tomorrow the boys have no school and hubby will be gone from the morning until late night with our vehicle, so it should be a laid-back sort of day.  Hopefully I'll remember to take the girl to preschool, as long as she is feeling okay.  I never can really tell for sure with her.


  1. Amber, hang in there. You are doing great and believe it or not, you won't need cipralex forever. You just need it to help you through this rough patch, however long it may last. I went off cipralex five months after I started it. I didn't think I'd be able to either and even though I was forced off, I was OK and still am off the drug. You will be too when it's time for you. Hope everyone feels better soon. S.


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