Doing it

Wow, over 4,000 page views since I started this blog two months ago.  I started it in the hopes that someone could relate and not feel so alone in their panic and anxiety, and also as a record for people who are looking for information about Cipralex/Lexapro side effects.  I searched like crazy for information on all of these things and found a lot of questions but not many answers.  Anyway, I hope that this blog has been a help or a blessing to someone out there, even one person will make every word of it worth it.  :)

I finally took some books out from the library on dealing with anxiety.  I had been putting this off because I figured reading about it would acknowledge its existence in my life and make things way worse.  In other words, as much as I've been trying to "fix" myself lately, I was totally avoiding a whole section of my problem.  The first book I started reading (and am reading still) is called The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph. D..  Turns out that I have more issues than I thought.  Well, I knew about them, but I've never connected them before.  They were kind of a joke to me.  LOL

This book is a great descriptor of the differences between mental disorders that are related but not the same.  I do not have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I know surprises some), but I meet the criteria for Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Specific Phobias and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (washing and checking).  It was interesting to see my husband's face as I read out loud some of the descriptions of these disorders.  They fit me.  Almost too well.

So.  Now I am working through the book and trying to modify my daily schedule to include suggestions on coping with and managing my body's reactions to life.  Some of the stuff I read is really scaring me - I read a part of the "reproducing a panic attack in a safe place" section to my hubby and he said that HE was feeling anxious just listening.  I am trying to decide if I am going to continue to make my way through all that or skip over it entirely.

I have had some weird short-term memory loss over the past week that is freaking me out a little.  I used to have it every now and then, but not more than once in a week.  Once this week I forgot that I had purchased all of my supplements and went home and put them away.  I still can't picture myself putting them away, but I know I did it because they are there, in the cupboards where they belong.  I was going shopping one morning this week and started to wonder if it is going to come to the point where I go out shopping and forget where I was going, forget to get my daughter from preschool in time, forget where I am.

Along with that, I have been feeling mild panic in the mornings - kind of like old times before I started the Cipralex - trouble taking a full breath, digestive disruptions, tense muscles, general spacey-ness.  I am trying to keep to a program of everything that has worked for me, but it is hard.  The supplements are expensive, it's hard to take an hour a day to exercise, preparing food is time consuming.  So, there have been stretches I've gone without supplements, exercise or eating enough.  I notice the difference.  I need to make the effort, but sometimes it just seems like too much work.

I found the secret to weight gain this week too - a new scale!  LOL  My hubby got a new digital scale for his birthday.  I stepped on and was miraculously 4 pounds heavier than I was on our old spring scale.  I like it - closer to my goal, and it makes me not feel guilty about doing cardio.  This morning I weighed in at 105.6 lbs.

And speaking of exercise, I've decided to just go with the P90X program.  I was doing the XStretch before, but now I'm going to expand into the other DVDs.  The plan is to do one per day.  Today I did Core Synergistics, and I was pleasantly surprised with how well I kept up.  I did start to feel sore very shortly after the workout was done; it felt like my lungs just didn't want to expand, and that was a bit stressful for me.  But it eventually went away and now I think I'll be normal after-workout sore in the morning.  If I'm too sore, I have a plan to do a Yoga routine that I set up on our Wii a year or so ago.  It leads me through a bunch of poses that are good for digestion.  So, P90X or Yoga, whatever it is, I plan to workout every single day.  I am learning from my book (and from doing it) that aerobic exercise is very important for people who suffer from Panic Disorders, so it becomes one more important step for me to take.  I am excited about feeling good, weighing enough, eating well, and being healthy.  It is happening.


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