Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year, New Plans

Last year our big "health move" was to try chiropractic.  Despite our optimistic feelings about it (as it had been so wonderful for my hubby and I in the past), we don't feel that chiro has helped us at all.  I'm really sad about that because we put a lot of time and effort and money into it.  If not for chiro, our debt would have been paid off long ago, and we likely wouldn't dread getting in the van as a whole family of six so much - it has been so stressful dragging the kids out of bed at 6:00 am every Monday and herding them into the cold van by 6:30 to drive across the city, get adjusted and rush to be back home by 8:00.  They hate it and they fight, scream, kick, spit and tantrum as hubby maneuvers the van through rush hour traffic close to the city's core.  Stress.

This year, while our health plans do not include a chiropractor at this point, we are still planning on trying something to better our family's health.  I have sent a few emails about family counseling, started to look into functional doctors and naturopaths for myself, and am considering a gym membership for my hubby and massage therapy for both of us.  I really really want to feel good again.  It has been way too long.

In the meantime, I am revisiting the issue of adrenal fatigue for myself and have made plans to help myself continue to heal.  One website I read on the subject notes that the treatment is pretty easy - eat a lot, sleep a lot, and don't work too hard in between.  Not as easy as it sounds, but I'm up for the challenge, and I hope it works.

Last night was a hard night for me; we were in bed by 10:00 pm, but I couldn't get comfortable to fall asleep. I had my regular nightly throat lump, but I also had this weird muscle tension feeling going on.  My heart pounded, my left side felt tingly, like only my left side was feeling the anxiety.  My mind was racing, I was having the flashies behind my eyelids.  My body didn't seem to be ready for sleep, but my eyes did not want to stay open.

Eventually I did fall asleep, only to have some of the strangest and most intense dreams that I have ever had. I woke up just after 4:00 am after my first nightmare and even though I wanted to stay awake and keep my ears open for any strange noises in the house, I was exhausted and fell back to sleep relatively quickly.  I was in and out of sleep until I got up at 9:00 am.

I have heard that intense dreaming is a side effect of Cipralex, but since I have always dreamed like this, I haven't really noticed that difference in my life.  What I have noticed is that where I would dream intensely and wake up tired in the mornings before, now I dream intensely and wake up exhausted, groggy and it is really hard to open my eyes and wake up.

Last night's first dream had me at my parents' old home in Calgary, but it wasn't their home.  It was our church.  My hubby and I had gone there to help a friend with something (packing something up, fixing a bike?) and hubby had left his keys and some change outside.  Three guys came along to take the bike or change or keys and we were yelling at them through the window to go, so they decided to whip out their gun and run through the house/church (later became my  kids' school) while we hid.  I told the police about this (and a few other people) and they eventually came back to the house with four guys, one who had apparently ratted out the other three, but I didn't know for sure that they were the three that had run through the house/church with the gun.  I recalled that there was a conspiracy theory that the police know that people can't remember the faces of criminals so they were just bringing along other police officers and acting like they were the criminals so that they could wrap up the case.  SO, the real gun guys were still out free and I had no idea what exactly was going on.

In my second dream, I was staying with some friends and family, who somehow lived in the same house even though they don't know each other in real life.  I have no idea where my hubby was, but I was in the process of changing my kids' school from one to another in Winnipeg (though the one that they were moving from was the one that was my church/parents house/kids' school in Calgary from the other dream, now located in Winnipeg).  Well, it got to the morning that my kids were to start their new school in Winnipeg that they were going to because we had moved in with these friends and family (none of which actually live in Winnipeg) and  I realized that I hadn't registered them, or even looked up what school was in the area that they should attend.  So, while one of my friends was preparing to go on a business trip (and trying not to vomit because she was sick), I tried to decide if I should just drive my kids to their old school for another day or if I should try to find the new school.  I pulled out a white pages phone book for Toronto, because that is where we were now, even though I thought we were in Winnipeg, and started looking up schools in the area.  Meanwhile, my second son comes up to me and says he thinks he has to vomit.

Those are two of the four or more I had last night.  There is always more to the dreams too.  Dogs, snow, things to overcome.  Every dream is vivid and real.  Every single night.

And now my neck or ear is sore; I'm not sure which one...could be my neck from sleeping so restlessly last night, or maybe I have an ear infection...my chest and throat are pretty mucousy this morning.  And I am exhausted, of course.  First day of 2013 doesn't have me filled with motivation and ambition so far.  I am cold and tired and sore and looking up and hoping for improvement from here.

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