Friday, August 7, 2015

Returning to work...through anxiety.

This week sure tested my mad anxiety coping skillz!!

Saturday was a family reunion for family of my husband's mother's mother.  Lots of socializing, lots of people I didn't know, lots of people I have only met a handful of times.  Outside (eek) for hours and hours, and on top of all that, intestinal problems that come from being away from home for three weeks (bleh).  It ended up being a ton of fun!!

Sunday we woke up 8 hours from home and had to have our oldest son home and back out at a location 30 minutes from our house at camp before dinnertime.

Monday I ended my stay-at-home mom career and rushed around to prepare my children for the week ahead, and Tuesday I started a new job in an office, where they all are just so excited to have me come and DO ALL THE STUFF.  LOL  It was a very busy learning day, and when I got home I was absolutely exhausted.  I was so disappointed in myself, that I would be so tired after one day of work, and I already was doubting that I could have this life that seems like an amazing dream to me.

Turns out the exhaustion meant something and the early to bed didn't ward off the bug that hit me hard on Wednesday morning.  The thought of vomiting skyrockets my anxiety, then to actually do it AT WORK on my second day there, in a small office, where all the employees of TWO companies could hear every sound...horrifying.  I made it home, rested up for the rest of the day and one more, and returned to work today - Friday - trying to calm my anxious thoughts all the way there. 

I was afraid that I would see the bathroom and my body would remember.  I was afraid that people would be awkward around me. 

But, I walked in and got to work.  And when my office buddy came in, she made sure I was really okay before we got down to business with more learnin'.  I nibbled crackers and drank water through the morning and went out for lunch with my two bosses and my hubby.  And as the day went on, I felt better and better.

After work, I picked up my boy from camp and we met my hubby at the music store where we ordered our son's trumpet earlier this week.  He saved up to buy this trumpet and today was the day it was finally in his hands.  On the way home, I stopped to pick up the first Slurpee I've had since Monday.  It was sunny and I drove with the windows down and the music turned up.

I still don't feel 100% health-wise, but my heart is bursting with joy.  I am so thankful for my new job - today as we worked on payroll stuff, my office buddy told me that she is SO glad I am there to do all this with her.  I'm so thankful for my friend who introduced my hubby to this company, and that I was welcomed in too.  I'm so thankful for my kids - their maturity, love, and their excitement to see each other this evening.  I'm so thankful for my hubby who totally went above and beyond to get us all through this week.  I'm so thankful for the camp that my boy attended where he had an amazing time and rededicated his life to Jesus and came out with a gentleness for his family and an excitement about attending church this weekend.

Anxiety was present this week; lurking, waiting to ambush me.  But the people around me didn't let it happen.  God didn't let it happen.  And what could have been one of my toughest weeks in 13 years turned out to be one of the most joy-filled. 

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