So disappointed in the fucking world

Why is there so much hate?  Why so much disrespect?  Why are people killing each other, refusing medical services from people based on skin colour, driving into crowds, bombing kids?  Why are my kids totally walking all over me?  Why isn't my husband listening to me?  Am I even really here?

I'm so done with all this shit.  It's everywhere.  Facebook is full of horrible tragedies.  My own home is full of disrespect.  My life is not my own.

Today I thought about running away from my life.  Starting something new somewhere else.  I am so unhappy it is painful. Constantly I am trying to make things better.  Change things for the better.  Make people happy, make myself healthy.  And no one appreciates it.  Not in the smallest little bit.

I want to just stop.  But I can't, so I'll keep serving despite effects on my health.  And one day my body will make the decision for me, and I'll have relief.  And I'll be free of all this.

This week I went to the dr. because of pain in my back that I thought could be kidney related.  I mentioned my two month-long sinus infection and they found that my ears are infected.  I mentioned the knee pain I've had for the past six months and they ignored me.

I got a prescription for an anti-spasmodic for my abdomen.  ???

This must be the next step...closer to the end of this hell.