I applied for a job.  

A job that is not in a school.

I feel crazy guilty.

But I don't think 10 hours a week is gonna cut it for me.

I am the most impatient person in the world.

My chest hurts.

In this summer of me not working, we have added to our debt balance $9,000.00.

Just to pay down that portion, NOT INCLUDING the $6,000 that we 'started' with will take 24.5 paycheques.

I am not even in school working for that many paycheques.

I feel like barfing.

And crying.

My dream needs to be put on hold once again.

I guess it will be best for me to get the job I applied for.  Chances are that I won't advance within the school system this year.  It is very unlikely.

I always think I will get every job I apply for.

It seems to work everywhere except the school board.  I applied to 45 school board jobs in June.  Many I was overqualified for.  I got one interview and then was dismissed from the selection for lack of experience.

Am I really gonna do this?  Am I really going to choose money and benefits over my dreams?

I think I have to.

O how I wish life could be smooth again...


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