Where am I?

Geez, I think I have hit rock-bottom.

I have been in my bed since I arrived home at 2:00.  It is now 6:24.

I have been sick for a month now.

I have been searching for a job to fix our earnings deficit for two months now.

Our bathroom is covered in mold.

My 11 year old has started doing his own laundry out of necessity.

I've learned that I will never get into a school office position, and therefore have wasted time and money and stress.

Two kids are behind on their vaccinations.

All I want to do is be a stay at home mom and run our house.

I don't know why life is so difficult for me right now, and it frustrates me.

I really want to be able to work out again. I miss the gym.

I miss being a stay at home mom.

I miss being organized and attentive to my family's needs.

I miss being content and happy and confident.

I miss having friends and a social life.

I miss having a clean house.

I miss my card-making hobby.

I wish I could stay on top of my kids' activities and force them to get their homework done and handed in and go to school.

I miss my mom.

Basically I feel like a gigantic failure.

And since I started taking Cipralex again, even 1/4 of a tablet, I can't cry about any of this; just feel like I have to cry but can't.

I quit my singing competition because it was too demanding of my time and energy.

I hope someday I can be me again.


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