Brain Dump July Edition

Well, this has been a long time coming. I have had so much going on in my head and the rest of my body and I have not made time to write. I figure it is time to dump my brain and there is just so much that I don't even know where to start.

Right in this moment, I guess.

I am sitting alone in my messy living room. There is garbage on the floor - packaging from something that someone got from Amazon, and packaging from compression socks that my hubby bought to give his feet some relief this Stampede performance season. I am having a pain in my torso every time I inhale right now, which is annoying, but it will probably go away. It comes and goes. I have been having a lot of health problems lately but I just can't even force myself to call my doctor to make an appointment. She has disappointed me so strongly this pandemic season. A few weeks ago I called for an appointment because my ear seemed to be blocked. They told me to go to a walk in clinic. My interaction with them before that, they canceled my kids' physicals that I had booked five months before. And before that, I went to my own physical with a diagnosed sinus infection and I was rushed through and told to get a covid test and isolate because it could be covid. This person took us on as a patient in July last year (though I should have gotten a hint to keep looking when the meet and greet appointment was re-booked twice). So basically, I am feeling like the inside of my body is fucking chaos...and I am doing nothing about it because I don't trust the doctor who has a file for me, and every other office I contact to ask if they are taking new patients never gets back to me. Two of my children are also signed up with this doctor, and affected. Another child's doctor decided that he was a doctor for seniors only now. I also cannot find a new doctor for that child. No wonder walk in clinics and ERs are so busy...

Another part of it is that I cannot figure out how to correctly manage my time away from work. Any time I am going to be away from work, I need to get someone to cover my desk. The last few times, I have had to ask no less than 7 people before my time away was adequately covered. This also included leaving my desk (ie: Reception) with no one for at least 30 minutes. It is way less stressful to just work through my stress than to get my desk covered and take time to de-stress. I am hoping for better TAFW management on my part through the next school year so that I can better stay on top of my and my kids' medical and other appointment needs. I think part of the answer is that I need to take part-days instead of full days for appointments. I think this will also be easier as people start to work in the building again...a lot of my backup coverage coworkers have been working from home and I feel better asking them to come in to cover a full day than a few hours here and there.

I've been trying to take care of my health by staying on top of supplements, drinking more water, walking a lot, and going for regular massages and chiro adjustments. I think there is something really wrong with my digestive system though, and my muscles and eyes have really been giving me trouble for a while now. I've been feeling anxiety a lot lately too, but don't want to jump back on meds in the middle of a busy season. I also need to lose weight and the meds that work for me make me gain weight, so that is another reason I am delaying it. I believe a lot of my pain and discomfort is because of the heaviness of my chest, where I gain and lose weight first. I am hoping that the anxiety will fade as Stampede ends. The last few anxious days have been due to the fundraising that I need to do there. Normally it is a straight-forward 50/50 draw with a short shift and lots of excited people. This year it is a progressive lottery. Only online, so no cash, no physical tickets. I have to walk around for six hours, with a paddle containing a QR code, and in 1/2 cases so far, an iPad. I need to get people to scan the QR code and purchase tickets online or help them through the process on the iPad. It is fairly straightforward if you know how to pay for things online. So many rules though, that people at the Stampede don't want to hear. Only residents from our province. No cash. No debit. Credit card only. Not a true 50/50...a 25withachanceofanother25/50or75. Filling out the information they miss several minutes (at least) of the show that they paid a lot of money to come see. Having people waving paddles and iPads in front of guests trying to watch the show. It's funny, I didn't love the 50/50 shifts last Stampede, but I sure do love them now by comparison! This year's fundraiser...really not so much. I am not a hyper PR type person. I am a quiet person who does not want to force anyone to do things that they don't want to do. I signed up for two walking shifts and three booth shifts and got relocated to a walking shift for my first booth shift. I was crushed. I am sick to my stomach (and chest and back) knowing that I have to go back three more times. I hate it. I am super thankful, though, that my hubby made a plan to get me to and from the Stampede grounds for these shifts so that I don't need to be walking alone in the dark through downtown back to my car. If I had to do that, the anxiety would be way worse.

I want to keep dumping, but I am so tired, and I need to get some laundry done. My house is a disaster. Next Stampede, I need to not work full time. Having a busy family is one thing, but being busy and having to come home to one big pile of mess and disorganization...that is just a little too much extra for this mama to handle.

I'll try to come back tomorrow for the next instalment of Brain Dump July Edition. :D